I just lost my grandmother to the Cancer Devil.

After fighting a losing battle for two & a half months since she was diagnosed with lung cancer, I lost my grandmother. For the past two & a half months, my grandmother has been in & out of Singapore General Hospital (SGH) & hospice care. We didn't know she had cancer until she came down with a stroke & was paralysed on her right side. That happened in Nov 2008. It was only then that we realise she has cancer & that it had spread to her brain. A tumour, which was growing in her brain, was pressing on her nerves, hence resulting in the lost of control of her right limps & bowel movement. The doctor told us she only had six months left then.

She was put through chemotherapy to reduce the size of the brain tumour in order to regain her control of her limps & speech. However the side effects of the treatment took a toil on her already weakened body. She also lost a lot of weight & hair. During the course of the chemotherapy, Granny stayed under hospice care as she needed round the clock attention. She still could not move around on her own then & was on her bed most of the time.

Once she completed 10 sessions of chemotherapy, we got a maid to take care of her so that we could bring her back home, where she spent every minute of the day lying in bed. We wanted to install a television in the bedroom to provide her with some entertainment but she wasn't interested in watching television. Even when we put her in front of the television, her attention would be diverted. As she was bedridden, we had to manually roll her onto her sides to prevent her from getting bed sores. But every time we turned her, it was in fact causing her a lot of pain. That's because she had lost so much weight that she was lying & sitting on her bones & every turn was painful for her.

Just two weeks ago at the start of Feb 2009, water accumulated in her lungs again. She was sent into SGH where she spent the rest of her days. Even the simple motion of drawing a breath seemed exhausting for her. It was hurting to hear her moan with every breath she took. The doctor told us my grandmother had three more months to live. But just a few days later, we were informed that she could leave us anytime. Towards the end, she had to rely on morphine to ease her suffering. The morphine made her drowsy all the time & she could not even open her eyes when we called out to her, but we knew she could hear us as she did the actions that we asked her to do, like opening her mouth. 8 Feb 2008 was the last time I saw her.

On 14 Feb 2009, I received the sms from my mum saying that Granny had just left us. At the moment, I felt relieved for her cos I believe she has been relieved of the pain & suffering & has gone on to somewhere peaceful. I am not a religious person but I believe wherever she is right now is for the better.

The wake was just over & we have collected her ashes & settled her into her new home. What I'm worried about now is how my grandfather is taking this. Some people say when one partner of an old couple leaves, the other one left behind will follow soon after. Though my grandfather is also diagnosed with cancer, but the cancer cells are not affecting his quality of life, except that he is physically weaker than before which is natural cos he is 83 years old this year.

My only regret is that my grandmother cannot see me get married.

I'm really going to miss her, especially her cooking.